1. The Bachelor Party
Regardless of whether the bachelor party was a carbon copy of The Hangover or a quiet weekend spent camping out in the mountains, it is a topic that is completely off limits. Not even the subtlest of jokes about the bachelor party should arise in your best man’s speech. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and that rule applies whether the bachelor party was in Sin City or Serengeti. In fact, avoid talking about the bachelor party at all during the wedding. Consider the fact that you got the best groomsmen gifts on the market a bribe to avoid any mention of the bachelor party.
2. The Crazy Ex
If you’re the best man, chances are you’ve been with the groom through his highs and his lows. His highs are right now at the wedding; his lows is that crazy ex from a few years back. Don’t even think about mentioning her. Comparing the groom’s insane ex-girlfriend to the bride will get you thrown out of the wedding faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.
3. The New In-Laws
This is kind of a grey area. It may be okay to say something cheesy about how great it is for the groom to be welcomed into a new family, yada yada yada. But any sort of in-law joke is a no-no. Why? You probably don’t know the new in-laws too well, and it’s best to avoid any sort of awkward situation. Just keep it safe, and don’t mention anything about the groom’s new mother-in-law.
4. How Drunk You Are
Keep it classy, dude. In fact, if you are drunk, be careful. A drunk dude with a microphone at a wedding rarely ends well. If you ever want to crash on your buddy and his new wife’s couch again, use your brain.
5. Any Sort of Dirty Joke
Jokes are fine during your speech, in fact they are encouraged. They can help lighten the load off your shoulder and make you less nervous, and to help liven the crowd up too. Just be careful of how far you go with your jokes. Dirty jokes are never, ever, EVER, okay during a wedding speech. There’s nothing worse than offending grandma with your joke about bosoms. Just don’t do it. When in doubt, leave it out.
6. What’s Going to Go Down on The Honeymoon
Don’t try to be sly and make a reference to what’s going to be happening on the honeymoon. Before you say anything, think to yourself, “If they would say it in a frat house, it’s not appropriate for a wedding”.